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Share your Step 3 with a trusted friend and your Higher Power. Sharing is one of the greatest forms of communication. It provokes an intimacy and trust in others and ourselves. It is our way of transmitting thoughts and feelings. Often this is practiced verbally, but we do produce sharing in other ways. Sharing is a form of giving and receiving. Also telling someone else what you are doing enhances your commitment to change and recover. In order to break our isolation we need to share our journey with our higher power and a trusted friend. A miscarriage can give you a sense of isolation. No one really understands how could they? We may feel that others don’t acknowledge the loss of your child. The incident is brushed off and we are told to move on or keep trying. Although well meaning as it may be, it encourages us to keep ourselves isolated. Isolation is another villain who creeps up on us. We use it to reduce the anxiety associated with our loss, often unconsciously. Part of the process of loss, is that we stop talking about what has happened. We feel that others around us don’t want to hear about this anymore. This is another act that increases our isolation. We need to talk for as long as it takes us to recover. But, finding that avenue of help can be difficult. In order to break our isolation we need to share our journey with a trusted friend. Choose a person with care, experience shows that it is best not to choose a spouse, partner or family member. Set some boundaries that are healthy for both of you. Perhaps it could be that you can talk about your loss as much as you want, but every conversation has to end with something you are thankful for. For a trusted friend you could check out the Walk With Jude Forum for a person who has the same experiences as you. This is not an opportunity for that friend to come in and fix our emotions, more just a loving observer who walks with us in our journey. This can be a tough step, take your time. Learning and finding that trust can be a tool of recovery in itself. In relationships trust is to have confidence or faith in. A lack of trust in usually generated by our past experiences or what we are taught as children. For many of us that childhood trust has been contaminated with the opinions or actions of others. We can then develop a distorted view of what trust is and give away too willingly or hold our trust as some kind of weapon. Hopefully as we grow older we learn to discern who we can trust with our thoughts and feelings. Developing healthy boundaries with friends and family can be helpful, but is tough to do. Perhaps using a recovery tool like this is your first step towards trust in others and yourselves. You have taken a step forward by just reading this and allowing yourself to move out of a comfort zone (although it probably doesn’t feel very comfortable). So trust can be described as a calculated risk in having confidence or faith in. Having a Higher Power allows us to share anything. You will not be telling our Higher Power anything new, but to share what we have learnt helps us to acknowledge our hard work and how far we have come. You may feel a sense of relief, acceptance and love for yourself. We must not allow ourselves to condemn or blame at this point, what we are doing is unconditional. Sharing Step 3 allows you to let this go and move forward, even for a day. The sharing is of course confidential. Step 3 creates balance in you and with others, offering clarity and forgiveness. Although Step 3 is a great form of self care, we need to ensure that we are involving our family in some way. The Walk With Jude Steps can appear to be very selfish and that’s just fine. This is the time to allow ourselves to be selfish. This doesn’t mean we abandon our lives, but more that we enhance them through creating more balance. All of the Steps, but especially Step 3 requires us to share with another. We may need to talk to our partners about this. Explain that this is not a threat to your relationship, the whole point is to improve it. You may find that some family and friends don’t get it, they can feel rejected and snubbed. You have to understand that again you can’t control this. Just as you are asking to be accepted for who we are, you must try to accept others for who they are. Some times others can feel so powerless to help that it becomes too much. This is not a judgement of you. Perhaps referring them to the men and family section of the Walk With Jude website might help. Suggested questions and thoughts
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