Find and Believe in a power greater than yourself, to free you from the pain of your loss
Finding and believing in a power greater than you is not something that happens overnight. Step 2 is a personal process or journey, which will require time and energy to accomplish. This may feel too much to ask right now and many offer the advice “fake it, till you make it”.
Spirituality is such a personal element of our lives and should be protected. Even Socrates said that” Spirituality is a preoccupation of what concerns human nature”. Many definitions refer to fundamental emotions that determine ones character. So many of us can be spiritual without devotion or prayer, however this can be part of your own belief. For some it comes from the world around us and those who live in it. What ever spirituality you may or may not possess, the overwhelming evidence and experience tells us that having a spiritual Higher Power is beneficial. Strangely enough man has been searching for this for thousands of years, when all the time it was inside of us all. Look at the history of beliefs around the world and how they explain miscarriage. In the East, it’s believed that the woman is at fault, there is something wrong. In native culture the child has served its time on earth and in the West we have no idea what to believe, except that historically children were produced to continue blood lines and again it was the women who took the brunt of the responsibility. Thankfully we don’t live in the time of Henry VIII, as we would possibly loose our heads!!
So this is a spiritual step not religious. It suggests that there is a Higher Power that can free you. A Higher Power that can be absolutely anything you choose. It doesn’t have to necessarily be the religious figure you grew up with, it can be what ever works best for you. Often we can be guided by our own human nature. However, it should always be loving, caring, non-judging and patient.
You may be thinking, if there is a Higher Power, then why did this happen to me. Why would something professing to be loving and caring allow me to loose our child? You may feel a deep mistrust, or an image of something more punishing. This in turn fuels our feelings of shame and guilt.
As you move through the steps you do come to believe that your Higher Power is not punishing or judging. Part of our thinking stems from the blame game. We are looking at the “why” and want our Higher Power to answer this question. As we found in Step One, sometimes there isn’t an answer to the “why” and that’s okay. Sometimes “I don’t know” is one of the most spiritual things you can say.
All you can know, is that if a Higher Power truly exists then moving our thinking from a place of “why” to a place of acceptance will free us. Remember though none of this happens instantly and for many it can take months, if not years to develop.
It is important to recognise that walking through the steps gets easier as you develop and trust in your Higher Power. If you find this in nature then putting yourself in that environment will help to focus your mind. We all know that getting outside for a walk, bike ride or even a hike gives us a sense of well being. Even Walking With Jude will help.
Look for your Higher Power where ever you can. Some people feel comfort around trees, others it’s a prairie or a beach. We are all different and will find what we need in different places. Your Higher Power can be found in others. You may meet a friend and they share something of themselves, which brings you comfort. Your friend may or may not know about your loss, but that’s not relevant. Its about having contact with others that offers you insight into yourself. Even the person, who drives badly in front of you, can remind us that it’s okay to be angry. But, we need to be mindful of not injuring others in the process.
In pregnancy surrendering is just part of the deal. Our body’s and lives are taken over by this event. Little in our adult lives will ever touch us in quite the way pregnancy does and change us so completely. So, it’s no wonder we are devastated by its loss.
Pregnancy teaches us to surrender to our fears. We are often, with out knowing it surrendering to forces or a power greater than ourselves every day. But, our society teaches us that surrender is not an option. It implies that we are giving up, failing or just resigning ourselves to an event that is greater than us. We are taught that every problem has an answer. Surely some kind of medical intervention can stop this?
Surrender can be our greatest enemy and yet our most comforting ally. With surrender comes peace. Surrender in pregnancy is not a failing and mostly we are not given an option. Feeling the loss of a pregnancy will be our biggest lesson in surrender. You feel like the world has just been taken from you and a part of you has gone forever. How much more of an example could this be of complete surrender?
Step 2 will bring you to a place where you are not judged and accepted as being just the way you are. If your Higher Power can accept you with all your traits, emotions and actions then why can’t you? The level of acceptance of ourselves and indeed a Higher Power is again not something that develops quickly. But, we need only be willing to try.
Step 2 allows you to deal with each day and then let things go.
Suggested questions and thoughts